points for happiness

Today I had the pleasure of having lunch with a good friend. He too has been going through a difficult time, and we have spent countless hours eating and confiding in each other. However lately he seems to be heading in a very different direction than me. Which is fine….everyone deals with things their own way. However there’s definitely a vibe there that’s making me uneasy.

I’ve been trying to tell him to keep a positive attitude and that no relationship will ever be healthy if you are waiting for the other person to make you happy. And that you have to choose happiness yourself…kina like deciding to have pizza for dinner on a Friday night. And I know this is much easier said than done…TRUST ME I DO. But it is the truth! However instead of helping him it angered him. He actually took a shot at me asking me “could have chosen to stay happy in your marriage”. And might I say he had quite the scowl on his face when he said. He was completely mocking me!!! That comment really got under my skin because it was as though he was challenging my beliefs and calling me a fraud.

I left lunch feeling awful!! Am I fraud? Am I just full of crap? I thought and thought and thought to figure out why this bugged me so much. I finally figured it out and I can safely say that I am so not a fraud.

I made the decision to make myself happy before I ended my marriage. This gave me confidence in myself, not to mention strength I never knew I had. This strength is what enabled me to let go of an unhealthy relationship instead of clinging to it like a life line, hoping that one day it would make me happy.

I now had the confidence and strength in myself to make the right choice for me…venturing out into the unknown and with no promise of a future relationship. But happy knowing that my happiness was in my hands, and that I was finally going to become the writer of my story…of my life. And now, if I do find that next relationship, it won’t be because I am trying to have someone complete me. It will be because we compliment each other beautifully and choose stay together out of love, and not out of need. For only then can a relationship be truly healthy.

Mission accomplished…happiness wins again 🙂

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About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

2 comments

  1. Well said. You can’t stay happy in a relationship if you are waiting for other person to make you happy. Very inspiring.

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