Before I get into todays journal, I need to back-up just a bit and give you all some background.
I recently started working with a life coach, or so she calls herself anyway. Life coach just does not do her any justice. I was referred to her by a friend of mine. I looked up her website and without a second thought, and totally bypassing my usual countless google searches and criminal background checks, I called her up….so not like me! Then after a couple of appointments, I won a spot in one of her seminars. When have I ever won anything??? At this seminar, she said that she was working on a documentary and that she was looking for volunteers to go on the journey with her. The journey would include lots of coaching sessions, seminars and retreats. All for one great low price…you had to agree to be featured in the documentary which would be shown on the wonderful world-wide web! I left that night kicking my self in the @$$ for not putting my hand up to volunteer right then and there. So I called her office first thing in the morning. Within two days I had signed a contract and was officially one of the cast members of this reality web series. Right after I signed, I thought WTF was I thinking!?!?!?
For those who know me, I am an extremely private person. Even Facebook is an issue for me. I am completely phobic about anybody seeing any of my emotions, issues, dirty laundry, etc. That’s why when I was married, no one knew we were having issues…I am a pro at hiding behind closed doors. Just the thought that this documentary is going to be made public makes my palms sweat and makes me paralyzed with fear and panic!!!
But something stronger than that fear is what is driving me to do this. I know that I am absolutely terrified to do this, but that none of this is an accident. There is a reason that my friend referred me to her, there is a reason that I called without giving it much thought, there is a reason that I won a spot at that session and there is a reason that she then and there announced her documentary. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at the exact moment that I am supposed to be there, and for the first time in my life I am just going to trust that.
Months ago I set out to find my path and now destiny is revealing it to me. I don’t know how the documentary ends but what I do know is two things; 1) that this project speaks to my true values in so many ways, as it helps me on my personal development and in my mission to live and authentic life, and 2) that it could inspire millions of people to make positive changes in their lives. For those two reasons alone there is no way that I can turn this down. Turning it down would go against all that I have put all this effort and time into discovering about myself. If I stop now I would only be taking 10 steps back, and I have come way to far to do that now.
This is my next hurdle…my next challenge. One which I have to pass to continue on my journey. If I don’t, it will just keep presenting itself until I do. In fact, I think it has been presenting itself to me my entire life, and each time it gets more vicious. So I better face it now before the stakes are raised LOL! That’s the way that universe works….it will keep sending to you the lessons that you need to learn until you learn them. So here I am facing my worst fear, my phobia!! It’s like throwing the arachnophobe into a tank filled with spiders. But I have to do it. For my growth is more important and I am completely and utterly committed to it.
What is giving me the courage to take this next step…is me. Have faith in yourself and what you believe in, and you can do anything.