the judgement

Today I am finally free!!!

Getting involved in this web series was the single most powerful choice I have ever made in my life.  Not only does it enable me to fulfill one of my greatest passions…inspiring people to make positive changes in their lives, but now it has also helped me get rid of two very powerful emotions that I know now have been holding me back my entire life…my  fear of judgement (probably the source of my obsessive need for privacy) and the mourning of my lost innocence.

After my first group workshop that we did to uncover some of our hidden and most powerful emotions, something happened for me that was nothing short of a miracle. It had scratched the surface of a horrible childhood memory, that until this day I had thought I had put behind me.  But that was clearly not the case.  The truth was I had buried it somewhere deep inside me.  And although consciously I rarely gave it a second thought, subconsciously it greatly affected everything I ever did in my life.  Worst of all, I let the judgements of others to my traumatic event, influence that way that I feel about myself.

The emotions were so powerful that they felt like waves of tremors racing through my body. But every time it would almost surface, something in me just held it back. I barely made it through the end of that session. That’s when the coach, you know her as “the witch doctor”, agreed to meet with me soon after to help me dissolve these negative emotions. Now thanks to her, I feel as though a 20 ton weight that I have unknowingly been carrying with me my entire life is gone.  I feel light and free and liberated from my emotional prison.  Not only has all my anger and fear of judgement been dissolved, but I feel connected to that little girl again.  The little girl who only wanted to play with make-up and talk to her friends about boys, instead of carrying that heavy burden around with her everywhere she went.  I see her, I feel her and I love her!!!

But more important in all of that, is the fact that I am honestly grateful that what happened did actually happen.  Had it not been for that, I would never have found the strength and courage that I needed to survive long enough to bring me to this point.  And had I not experienced it, I may not have been inspired to help other women overcome their greatest challenges.  Everything happens for a reason, and no matter how horrifying this experiencing was for me, I know that it was instrumental in bringing me on this journey and to where I am today.

I know that none of this was my fault, and that those who judged only did so to avoid facing their own fear and pain. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I am going to savour every second!!!!

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About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

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