vul·ner·a·ble – adjective
1. Capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon.
2. Person open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation.
3. Place open to assault; difficult to defend.
The above is the text book definition of being vulnerable. The more I read it the more I think….why the “F” would anyone want to be any one of those things. I have spent a life time trying to be the exact opposite, only to realize now that it is that which has held me back all of these years. It is my fear of vulnerability that terrifies me more than anything. I have always associated vulnerability with being weak, something I promised years ago that I would never be. The few times that I have allowed myself to be somewhat vulnerable did not end well at all. In fact, I’ve only ever really attempted to have two real relationships in my life. The first one I was smothered in and the second one I got burned by. The rest of them were all nothing more than very temporary distractions that I kept at a very long arms-length away, or a series of one-sided infatuations that never really amounted to anything more but a complete and utter waste of my valuable time.
But in order to have real love in our life we must be willing to be vulnerable. So what does that mean for those of us, like me, who are deathly afraid of being vulnerable and opening our hearts to the possibility of love? What if I get hurt? What if I lose sight of who I am? What if I can’t control my emotions enough to know when to say WHEN?!?!? And it’s more than just a fear…it’s my identity! Who am I if I let my guard down? Who am I am not in control of my life and my emotions?
Unfortunately, the answer to all these questions is one very important question:
Are you willing to give up on the possibility of ever having a real relationship, just for the sake of never allowing yourself to feel vulnerable?