what it means to be vulnerable

vul·ner·a·bleadjective
1. Capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon.
2. Person open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation.
3. Place open to assault; difficult to defend.

The above is the text book definition of being vulnerable.  The more I read it the more I think….why the “F” would anyone want to be any one of those things.  I have spent a life time trying to be the exact opposite, only to realize now that it is that which has held me back all of these years. It is my fear of vulnerability that terrifies me more than anything. I have always associated vulnerability with being weak, something I promised years ago that I would never be. The few times that I have allowed myself to be somewhat vulnerable did not end well at all. In fact, I’ve only ever really attempted to have two real relationships in my life.  The first one I was smothered in and the second one I got burned by. The rest of them were all nothing more than very temporary distractions that I kept at a very long arms-length away, or a series of one-sided infatuations that never really amounted to anything more but a complete and utter waste of my valuable time.

But in order to have real love in our life we must be willing to be vulnerable. So what does that mean for those of us, like me, who are deathly afraid of being vulnerable and opening our hearts to the possibility of love?  What if I get hurt? What if I lose sight of who I am? What if I can’t control my emotions enough to know when to say WHEN?!?!? And it’s more than just a fear…it’s my identity! Who am I if I let my guard down?  Who am I am not in control of my life and my emotions?

Unfortunately, the answer to all these questions is one very important question:

Are you willing to give up on the possibility of ever having a real relationship, just for the sake of never allowing yourself to feel vulnerable?

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About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

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