conversing with angels

For the first time ever in my life, I can hear my inner voice loud and clear, and it is the sweetest sound I have ever heard.  It is my angel and it guides me and challenges me to live my inspired destiny at every turn.  It is there to console me when I need it most, and to help bring me back to balance. Most importantly, it always wants the best for me.

So what does it want for me now? What is its message? What does it ask of me? There are three words that are repeatedly being whispered to me; trust, patience, and truth. These are the things that my inner voice keeps telling me I need to learn and to bring about, both in myself and my relationships.  Coincidentally, the challenges that are being presented to me are here to teach me just that. The fear at times is almost crippling, but if I want to live true to my inspired destiny I simply must do that which I fear the most.  For me that is to love and to trust.  To love without promise and to trust without guarantees is the lesson that needs to be learned.  Sounds crazy…I know! Certainly not something I would apply my usual “rip off the bandage” approach to. Maybe that’s where the patience comes into play, which is something I’ve never had. Maybe the patience is exactly what is needed in order to learn the real lesson.

They say that “if you want to achieve something you’ve never had, you have to be willing to do something that you’ve never done”. I’ve spent most of my adult life either obsessing over people that were not right for me or rushing into relationships because they started quickly and left little room for doubt, realizing now that no matter how sure something seems in the beginning, nothing in life comes with a guarantee. Both tactics were an unconscious attempt to feel safe. Despite the hurt that came as a result of these tactics, subconsciously they seemed much safer to me than taking my time to build a relationship slowly uncertain of what the outcome will be.

Now with the possibility of something new in my life, I have decided to take an entirely different approach.  Despite the 911 ranting’s of my subconscious telling me to run, not walk in the opposite direction, or the moments of intense panic that comes with the uncertainty of how this will unfold, I will trust that this relationship is in my life for a reason. Either it will teach me to love, bring me closer to love, or possibly grow into love.  Or maybe even all of the above. Either way this is something that cannot be rushed! Instead I think I will move slowly and take my time, being gentle with my heart and with the hearts of others.  I will continue to check in with my inner voice for the guidance that will navigate through the minefield of emotions that I must cross if I am ever to make it to the other side. At each step I will take a deep breath as I step further and further out of my comfort zone, until I have finally put this fear to rest.

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About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

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