in order to win we must never be afraid to lose

I had an “ah-ha” moment today. It came to me suddenly as I tried to decipher how yet again I ended up in the same situation. In a fairly new relationship which up until recently was going very well.  We were having a great time getting to know each other and spending time together, agreeing to take the relationship at a slow pace. It was exactly what I wanted and asked for.  A smooth slow pace where we could get to know each other and avoid the pitfall of smothering each other and losing ourselves completely in the early bliss of the relationship. Perfect! So why the hell did this make me so uneasy?!?!?

Surely enough, things slowly began to fizzle from there.  And the more they did, the more petrified I became. The reality of this is that what we fear we attract, because that’s where we are placing all of our energy and thoughts. What we should be doing is being grateful for what we have right now, instead living in the future and becoming attached to an image of a relationship that does not yet exist. The odd thing is that I wasn’t even close to be being sure if we even should have a future together.  I know that I liked how we connected up until that point and that we were having a great time together, but there was still much more for us to learn about each other before either one of us could even reasonably utter “the L word”. We weren’t even close! And yet there I was at the first thought that I could lose him, becoming fixated on the relationship. This is a trigger that I have noticed coming up recently time and time again in many situations.

It could come in the form of a comment, an action or an inaction, body language…literally anything.  Any little sign that I could read as “hhhhhmmmm is he slipping away?”and I suddenly become a ball of nerves and worry. And for what?  Like I said, I wasn’t even sure if he was long-termfirst was enough to send me spiralling into a tailspin panic.

So what’s the lesson here? The more we fear losing something or someone and the more tightly we try to hold onto it, the more likely it is to slip right through our fingers. We must even in the most difficult circumstances be grateful for exactly what we have, and to not be afraid. For love is not the enemy. Neither is the sadness that we feel when we lose someone we care about.  The only real enemy to our hearts is fear that holds us back from what we truly want.

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About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

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