for the love of me

Do you ever feel like for every two steps forward you take ten steps back!?!?!? Well that’s been me the last few months. And getting there was the easy part!  The hard part was trying to figure out how I got there! I’ve spent weeks in meditation and I have finally come to realize that I have been wasting all of my time and energy on things that have been depleting me and my own love of self.  The scary part  is that it was as easy as falling back into all my old habits and patterns that got me into hot water in the first place.

Life is a journey and it will take us wherever we want it to, so long as our thoughts and emotions are in alignment with what it is we truly want. Lately, all of my thoughts and emotions have been  focused on what I don’t want. Having been stressed and bogged down with work and dealing relationship issues of all kinds, my focus has been on everything that has not been working.  What’s worse is that I have invested so much time and energy into what’s not working that I have inevitably put myself in mental state of lack.  This is a big no-no when it comes to the law of attraction.  This law requires us to take a step back from what we are allowing to take over our life, and to get back in touch with ourselves.  And sometimes when what we want doesn’t seem to be working for us, we need to shift focus on things that are.  That’s not to say that we need to eliminate what ever it is from our life, but we do need to stop worrying about fixing it. Worrying is a powerful form of manifestation because there is so much emotion attached to it. But all you end up doing is manifesting more worry.

So after weeks of being consumed by work and a number of relationship issues, I have decided to put my money where my mouth is.  I have cashed in all my travel points and now I am writing to you from a beach in Bali. Today is day one my solo journey to the opposite corner of the earth and the plan while I am here for the next twelve days is simple – to spend some quality time alone with me and to do something that I have always wanted to do for myself.  No itinerary, no schedules, no distractions.  My only plan is to wake up every morning and say to myself “self, what do you want to do most today?”. And believe me when  I say this is a big step for the girl who in middle school, came home crying because she didn’t want to go camping with her class because she was afraid to be without her family for a week!  So today as I am writing this post, the one thing that I am most grateful for aside from some banked air miles, is courage.


About the writer

So yes, you've guessed it...I am in the process of getting divorced. Now surely I've had many challenges along the way, but I can honestly say that it has truly been the most eye opening experience of my life. Although it's never what you plan or hope for and it can be truly devastating when you realize it's happening, but it can also have a silver lining if you look for it...once you get through the guilt, anger, self-loathing, several pints of Haagen Dazs and a crate or two of wine of course. My divorce not only got me out of a very unhealthy relationship, but it also opened the door for me to reshape my entire life. So after a year of loafing, I am getting my ass off my couch and into gear to transform everything that I know has not been doing me any justice in my life. I went from trying to be the perfect daughter to trying to be the perfect wife, constantly accepting that which was imposed on me and living my life on auto pilot. Well, all that is about to change. 2012 is finally over and the new year is here, and this will be the year that I change my life and make it what I want it to be. This blog will document my experiences and hopefully help other men and women in the same boat to find some sort of inspiration. I would also like to hear from those of you who have some tips, advice or inspiring stories of your own to share. For many of us, just knowing that there are others who have lived to tell their stories with somewhat of a happy ending, is inspiration enough. Happy New Year!!!

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